Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
