You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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