He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
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even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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