OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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