you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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