found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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