So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
