how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
