I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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