She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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