Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
