No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
