I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
