someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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