She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
