If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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