my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
