So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
