I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
