he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
