My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
