Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
