my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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