I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think I sprained my soul last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
