Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
