How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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