And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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