I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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