dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
