I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
