Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
