We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
