Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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