Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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