It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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