Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
