dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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