There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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