Will you blow on my dice?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
