If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
