conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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