sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
