when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
