is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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