I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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