Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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