Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
