Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
