Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
