In the future we'll all be gay
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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