Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
