Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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