you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
