So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
