I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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