cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize