Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
