Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
