I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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