every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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