The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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