mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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