I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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