The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
