Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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