just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
