I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Let's paint friendship bongs
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
