please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
