How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
