Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
